It is always hell to write the assignment unhappily. In the fourth semester, I am struggling badly. It is normal to struggle in life though this time I am struglling due to my mindset and laziness. somewhere, I am exhausted also. I chose a wrong person to love, I chose a wrong school to study and have fun, I chose wrong people to upbring myself and in the last semester, I chose a wrong course to study. Hell is the process; not a place. I feel like hell in the fourth semester. I am sitting in front of the laptop and think to write and what to write nothing is coming to my mind. Writing the blog is something that make me realise that I can explain my feelings.
I made many decisions in my life. we all do it. I made many wrong decisions and many of them was right also. Nowadays, I am suffering from anxienty and stress due to of the worst decision of my life. Actually, it was not the worst decision but, I am failing to deal with its consequence. Take a way from this decision. Yet I could not give the closure to it. Let's talk about what I learnt from this decision.
From so many days, I am trying to think and I think conciously about how to make decision or how to make informed choices. I chose one of the wrong elective in the last semester. Nothing is wrong with professor or course. though, I have some trigger points and the course is able to trigger me somewhat. I am worrying since I am scared to fail in my life. I am in the last semester and I don't want to fail in this semester.
I know that I am not going to fail though it is normal to worry about it. I learnt that I should not choose anything without think loudly and enough information about it. Somewhere I am struggling due to my mindset also. I scared to people who don't listen me or somewhere I am feeling that who don't validate my feelings and care for them. I am hating people who want to me to do just their work and throw away from them. I am not a tool. I feel like that in this course. I can't think like someone else I can do what I can. I can't do what I am not able to do. I can try my best to deal with situation and so on. I know, that I have to get upgraded.